i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
