sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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