Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
