your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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