You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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