Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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