Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
