I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
