you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
