you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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