I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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