Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
