I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
