If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
