i was born a porn star she said
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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