Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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