my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
