Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
