im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
