Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
