I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize