my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
