life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
