drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
