My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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