If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize