my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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