im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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