Do vagina's smell?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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