Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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