just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
NoShamevember. You game?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
