My hand turned me down
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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