I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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