My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
