he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
