i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
