On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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