I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
