I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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