so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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