i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
