why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
