we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Too much gin, very little bucket
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
