I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My liver just had a heart attack.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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