i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
