Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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