I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
