I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
