no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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