I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize