I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
