Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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