Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
