My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
