Three words: puerto rican gang bang
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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