She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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