Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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