Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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