everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize