Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My friends, they love my intelligence
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can't put those talents on a resume
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
