ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
