arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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