I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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