exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
